It was triggered in me for the first time when I was watching the movie “Crash” featuring Sandra Bullock. She plays a rich wealthy healthy good looking woman that has everything. Has a great job, good family, fancies the better restaurants and clubs.
But she is spoiled and disconnected with the real world. She lives in an ivory tower.
It gets as bad as her saying during a morning breakfast discussion:
“Every morning I wake up angry”.
That emotion that was so present during (and after) the 18 month personal development program Leading by Being that a ended about a year ago now. The 23 Feb 2009 coming-out of that program also resulted in this blog.
My angriness this morning is basically triggered by an argument I has last night with my lovely wife about something really stupid. Nothing spectacular, but the feeling remained during the night. So, i had a bad night.
The trigger is pulled when i recognize that feeling of not living my full potential. When i feel swimming in syrup. What i feel i don’t progress anymore. Status-quo. It’s protest. It’s rebellion. It’s Anger.
In one of my previous posts i was writing about the holy fire. This time it’s maybe the devil’s fire.
This fire is also burning like hell, but the burning is one like
It’s a lot of negative energy. It’s the devil inside me. The Hannibal Lector with his own (melo)-drama, showing himself as the complex persons as that suits him well, and does not force him to show his true (empty) self.
I went back to my notes of Leading by Being, “refreshing” what caused my angriness. This is what i found back:
It’s this feeling that i can do so much more but am standing in my own status-quo. Since the coming-out on 23 Feb 2009, there is not much i have done with all the nice resolutions i wrote down at that time.
It’s the feeling that you know very well what to do/change in your life to be your true self and not the self that you imagined for yourself. And being angry for not applying in any way all the great lessons you have learned in this program or in all the great books you have been reading in your life-time.
And feeling deep inside that something “big” is on your life-path, and that you seem to have missed it consistently or avoided it on purpose. The thing that Huge McLeod calls “You have to find your own shtick”
It was the fact that somehow playing around with something new, suddenly they found they were able to put their entire selves into it. Only the did it become their “shtick”, their true voice, etc. That’s what people responded to. The humanity, not the form. The voice, not the form". Put your whole self into it, and you will find your true voice. Hold back and you won’t. It’s that simple.
I have also been reflecting on this blog. I read quite a lot. Books. And I spent quite some time reading postings via my Google Reader. 2 hours per day is not uncommon (my wife loves me for this).
It really would not be difficult to post 3-4 new posts per day linking to other stuff i found interesting. And i discovered the trick that if my blog post title contains “Google”, or “Android” or… I get a lot more hits. But do those hits also mean impact ?
If so, it’s mere quantitative, not qualitative. And even when that happens, what does that do ? Make myself interesting and exposing how smart i think i am ? It is not satisfying. Anymore. Like others, I am in search for more
I enjoyed much more the postings like holy fire. They’re more “authentic”. I know it is a big word. Maybe i should now share what stuff i am reading at this moment. Puts it all more in context.
I am in 4-5 books at the same time: re-read Seth Godin’s “Tribes”, devastated by Hugh McLeod’s “Ignore Everybody”, the disappointing Nick Carr’s “The Big Switch”, Howard Gardner’s “Five Minds for the Future”, Joel Garreau’s “Radical Evolution” and – in Dutch – Rik Torfs “Wie gaat er dan de wereld redden ?” (translated: “And who is then going to save the world "?).
Those guys really inspire me.
I am inspired by what Howard Man, entrepreneur and the author of Your
Business Brickyard, has to say:
I’m continually amazed by the number of people on Twitter and on blogs, and the growth of people (and brands) on Facebook. But I’m also amazed by how so many of us are spending our time. The echo chamber we’re building is getting larger and louder.
More megaphones don’t equal a better dialogue. We’ve become slaves to our mobile devices and the glow of our screens. It used to be much more simple and, somewhere, simple turned into slow.
We walk the streets with our heads down staring into 3-inch screens while the world whisks by doing the same. And yet we’re convinced we are more connected to each other than ever before.
Multi-tasking has become a badge of honor. I want to know why.
I don’t have all the answers to these questions but I find myself thinking about them more and more.
In between tweets, blog posts and Facebook updates.
That’s why I’d like to write more about the real life. My life. Yours. My colleagues.
And not to show fear but
And to inspire others to dream.