We are having some fantastic spring weather here in Belgium. Almost summer time with blue skies and temperatures of 25° C. But it is still spring. End April 2011.
On top of it, I took some days off during this week. I am usually very lucky when planning my days off: the weather gods are with me. So a good-weather forecast may be to check my calendar.
However, this blog is about some of my strong up-downs during this week.
Earlier this week, there was something work-related that really made me very angry. But angry like in furious, raging, rabid. I could – and did – slam doors and that sort of stuff. Not really a proof of emotional intelligence, but anyway. I am not aware, present when I am in this state.
And afterwards, I always try to spot what triggered this emotion, what need was not fulfilled, what request I can make to the person triggering all this. What made me awake/aware was a remark from my 5 year old daughter.
She saw I was angry and said:
“Daddy, first you have to calm down”
My daughter is such a source of authenticity. I envy her openness to the world. Always curious, discovering, eyes wide open, giggling through every day. Where have we adults lost that feeling ?
Which experiences in life made me suspicious?
Where did I lose myself in personal drama?
Why is that ugly ego-monster visiting me so often?
The angriness is now over, I have internalized what happened, and have mentally forgiven the author of the crime. And for this blog story, it is absolutely irrelevant who and what caused the emotion.
I just want to contrast it with my feeling yesterday, which almost presented itself to me as a perfect day.
Our little daughter was on holidays (this is not the reason why it was a perfect day) on the farm with my parents in law.
So the house was – everything compared – quite silent that morning. I went out for getting some fresh bread for breakfast. Wow ! The sky was already as blue as it could get, and I could smell the last drops of dew on the grass and the leaves. There is also a great sense of purity in the early mornings: not only smell, but also silence, and a general sense of peace.
A bit the same purity
as my daughter.
Back home, the smell of freshly baked bread, the toaster, fresh strong coffee, the soft light, the Sunday-lazy flipping through some papers and magazines, made it a start of what one usually experiences in a luxury hotel at some exotic destination.
But this was home
The day continued with some further hanging around, some contemplating, some shopping (bought a new grid for the BBQ), and then later in the day a nice bike ride or 2 hours. Really relax ride, not forcing anything, enjoying the soft warmth of the sun on my skin, and wandering and wondering around the landscape with all trees, and leaves, and plants in their freshest brightest spring green.
By the time I got home, it was about time to light the barbeque.
My barbeque is a very simple one. Not any fancy one. Just some charcoal and my brand new barbeque grid.
All the time, no rush.
First surprise my wife with a glass of cool sparkling wine. She was relaxing in the lounge, enjoying the soft evening sunshine. I said to her: “hey there, listen”. She asked me “to what?”.
I just wanted her to listen to the silence of birds, the crackling fire, some far away farmer on his tractor, an airliner at 33,000 feet tracking its stripes in the sky.
She laughed and said
the sun was feeling
like a soft and pleasant shower
of light and warmth
The menu was super simple. I am getting here is some minimalist mode. Just a nice piece of loin, well-seasoned with some salt and black pepper, and rubbed in some fine virgin olive oil. I served it with really fresh salad and tomatoes from the garden, some boiled eggs. And last not least – and this may sound arrogant – my world best French fries. All cooked to perfection. The pepper, salt, olive oil on the table under the parasol. A really good bottle of Spanish Rioja, in promotion at 4€/bottle and very good.
After dinner – fully satisfied – laid down myself in the lounge having a cigarette and a last glass of wine.
A little bit of heaven, I said to myself. I made a note, and put it next to my pc to write a blog the next morning.